How to talk to your daughter about periods when your own relationship with your body is complicated

Many mothers carry complicated feelings about their own bodies, their own periods, and their own puberty. When it comes to talking to their daughters about the same things, those feelings can get in the way. This is more common than you might think, and navigating it well matters.

What is going on?

Research consistently shows that daughters’ attitudes toward their bodies, periods and puberty are significantly shaped by the messages they receive from their mothers. A mother who speaks about periods with shame, embarrassment or dread passes that emotional tone on, even without meaning to. A mother who speaks with matter-of-fact warmth creates a very different foundation. If you have your own complicated history with your body, eating, or your period, the goal is not to pretend those feelings do not exist, but to consciously choose a different narrative for your daughter.

What is normal:

What is not normal (seek support):

• Actively expressing shame, disgust or embarrassment about periods in front of her
• Commenting negatively on her changing body
• Avoiding the conversation entirely due to your own discomfort
• Projecting body image anxiety onto her through comments about food, size or shape
• Making her feel that her period is a burden or something to hide

Your teen’s perspective:

Sometimes I can tell my mum feels awkward talking about this stuff. It makes me feel like there is something wrong with it, even when she says there is not. What I really need is for her to talk about it like it is normal, even if she has to fake it at first. Her confidence makes me feel less weird about my own body.

How to start the conversation:

• “I want to be really open with you about your body and your period.”
• “Nobody really talked to me about this when I was your age, and I want things to be different for you.”
• “Your period is a normal, healthy part of being a girl. I want you to feel that way about it from the start.”
• “You can always ask me anything about your body. I will always answer honestly.”

Do:

• Use neutral, matter-of-fact language about periods and bodies
• Separate your own history from the narrative you are creating for her
• Seek support for your own body image or period-related feelings if needed
• Normalise periods as part of everyday conversation, not a big deal topic
• Celebrate her body’s development rather than treating it as a complication
• Use The Ladybird Club app as a bridge if direct conversation feels hard

Avoid:

• Expressing disgust, embarrassment or dread about periods in her presence
• Making negative comments about your own body that she overhears
• Talking about periods as something to hide, manage or suffer through
• Passing on diet culture messages through comments about food or weight
• Letting your own discomfort leave her without the conversations she needs

Watch for:

Notice the tone you use when periods come up. Is it warm and matter-of-fact, or tense and awkward? She is picking up on both the words and the feeling behind them.

When to seek help:

In the app:

The Ladybird Club gives your daughter a warm, positive and educational space to understand her period and her body, independent of any complicated feelings you might be working through yourself.

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