Raising a girl with a healthy body image in a world saturated with impossible standards is one of the hardest jobs a mother faces. The good news is that research shows you have more influence than Instagram does, if you use it well.
What is going on?
Body dissatisfaction in teenage girls is at record levels, driven by social media, filtered images, diet culture and comparison. But studies consistently show that a mother’s own relationship with her body and the messages she sends, both direct and indirect, are among the strongest predictors of her daughter’s body image. You cannot control what she sees online, but you have significant power over the environment inside your home.
What is normal:
Key takeaways
- Some comparison with peers or images she sees online
- Moments of dissatisfaction with her changing body as it develops
- Interest in fashion, appearance and how she looks
- Trying different styles or ways of presenting herself
- Questioning whether her body is normal
- Some self-consciousness about puberty changes
What is not normal (seek support):
- Significant distress about her body that is affecting her daily life
- Restricting food or showing signs of disordered eating
- Avoiding activities she used to enjoy because of how she looks
- Intense preoccupation with weight, size or specific body parts
- Signs of body dysmorphia or compulsive behaviours around appearance
Your teen’s perspective:
The things that actually helped my body image were not the things my mum said about my body. It was watching her treat her own body with respect. Hearing her refuse to talk about diets. Noticing she ate normally. When she said something kind about what her body could do rather than how it looked, I started thinking about mine differently too.
How to start the conversation:
- “What do you love about what your body can do?”
- “I am not going to talk about diets in this house. Food is just food.”
- “I noticed that post made you feel bad about yourself. How are you feeling?”
- “Your body is yours. You get to decide how to dress it and care for it.”
Do:
- Model a neutral, functional relationship with your own body
- Speak about what bodies can do rather than how they look
- Refuse diet culture language in your home
- Compliment her character, skills and effort far more than her appearance
- Talk openly about the unreality of filtered images
- Help her curate a social media feed that makes her feel good
Avoid:
- Commenting on your own body negatively in her presence
- Discussing dieting, calorie counting or weight in casual conversation
- Complimenting weight loss as though it is inherently good
- Comparing her body to others
- Commenting on what she eats unless there is a medical reason
- Letting diet culture conversations go unchallenged
Watch for:
Notice what your home environment is saying about bodies and food. What does she overhear? What do you model? What gets praised? These background messages are often louder than anything said directly.
When to seek help:
Worth knowing
If your daughter is showing signs of disordered eating, significant body distress or avoiding food in ways that concern you, please speak to your GP. Eating disorders are most effectively treated early. Trust your instincts.
In the app:
The Ladybird Club helps your daughter understand that her body is cyclical and intelligent, not something to be controlled or criticised. Understanding her hormones helps her build a respectful relationship with her body from the inside out.
Related articles
- How to talk to your daughter about periods when your own relationship with your body is complicated
- how can I support my teen’s self-esteem in a world dominated by social media comparison?
- healthy diet for teenage girls
Understanding starts here.
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