what should I do if my teen expresses self-harm, suicidal thoughts, or other crisis language?

Hearing your teen express thoughts of self-harm or suicide is terrifying, but your response in these moments can be life-saving. Learn how to stay calm, respond effectively, and get appropriate help.

What is going on?

When teens express self-harm or suicidal thoughts, they’re communicating profound emotional pain. This is a crisis that requires immediate attention, but it’s also a moment when your calm, supportive response can make an enormous difference. Research shows that talking openly about suicide doesn’t increase risk, it actually helps. Teens in crisis need to know that someone cares, that help exists, and that their pain is temporary even when it doesn’t feel that way. While this situation is frightening, most teens who express these thoughts can be helped with appropriate intervention.

What is normal:

What is not normal (seek support):

• Direct statements about wanting to die or not wanting to exist
• Talking about being a burden to others
• Researching suicide methods or giving away possessions
• Saying goodbye or writing farewell messages
• Self-harm behaviours (cutting, burning, hitting self)
• Making a plan or expressing intent to act

Your teen’s perspective:

When I told my parent I was thinking about hurting myself, I was terrified of how they’d react. I didn’t want to scare them, but I didn’t know who else to turn to. The best thing they did was stay calm and not make me feel like a problem or a burden. They listened, they took me seriously, and they got me help without making me feel ashamed. That made all the difference.

How to start the conversation:

• “I’m so glad you told me. This took courage, and I’m here for you.”
• “Your life matters to me more than anything. Let’s figure out how to help you feel better.”
• “These feelings are temporary, even though they don’t feel that way right now. We can get through this together.”
• “I’m not going to freak out or be angry. I just want to understand and help.”
• “You’re not alone in this. We’re going to get you the support you need.”

Do:

• Stay calm, your calm presence is stabilising for your teen
• Take every expression of self-harm or suicidal thoughts seriously
• Listen without judgment and validate their pain
• Remove access to means of self-harm (medications, sharp objects)
• Seek professional help immediately

Avoid:

• Panicking, yelling, or making them feel worse for sharing
• Dismissing their feelings or telling them they’re being dramatic
• Leaving them alone if you believe there’s immediate risk
• Promising to keep secrets about safety concerns

Watch for:

Assess immediate safety: Does your teen have a plan? Do they have access to means? Are they willing to agree to safety measures? If there’s immediate risk, don’t leave them alone and seek emergency help.

When to seek help:

Seek immediate help for any direct expression of suicidal intent, self-harm behaviour, or if you believe your teen is in immediate danger. Contact emergency services, take them to your nearest hospital emergency department, or call a crisis helpline. This is not an overreaction, it’s appropriate response to a serious situation. For ongoing support, connect with mental health professionals who specialise in adolescent crisis intervention.

In the app:

Ladybird’s safety alert system can notify parents of concerning patterns in mood tracking or journal entries without exposing private content. The app’s mindfulness exercises provide healthy coping alternatives, and the community offers peer support for difficult times.

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